LAWPOT

Harry Potter forgets to wear his glasses

2009-08-07T23:46:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when Harry Potter forgets to wear his glasses.

Where has your dog been?

2009-06-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

Know where your dog has been before it licks you.

How Stock Market works

2009-05-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

This is how buying and selling happens in Stock Market.

Funny accident

2009-05-04T00:19:00.000-07:00

Funny accident

Funny belly

2009-04-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

Funny picture

Optical Illusion

2009-04-08T23:49:00.000-07:00

Optical illusion

Bad Soccer Kick

2009-04-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

Lawyer’s signboard

2009-03-20T17:16:00.000-07:00

The sign on the door of a lawyer’s chamber reads: Where there is a will, there is a way; where there is a way, there is law; where there is law, there is a rule; where there is a rule, there is a loophole; where there is a loophole; there is a lawyer; and so here I am.

[for the person who added a comment recently - I am not accepting any moderators. Besides this is a blog, not a forum. Thanks for your interest.]

Man and Superman

2009-03-06T04:33:00.001-08:00

What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

Funny picture

2009-03-06T04:26:00.000-08:00

Its a .gif image. If you don't see the image moving then save it as a .gif file on your PC and then view it.

Funny picture

THE VET

2008-06-30T00:06:00.001-07:00

A man rushed his dog to a veterinian. The doctor after examining the dog declared that the dog was dead. The owner pleaded with the doctor to do something.

The doctor then went to another room and brought a cage with a cat inside it. He set the cage near dog and opened the cage. The cat came out and sniffed the dog from head to tail. Then it gave a meow and went back inside the cage. The doctor said “that’s it nothing else can be done.” The doctor then gave him a bill of $450. The man was surprised to see such a huge bill and asked the doctor for an explanation. The said “ you see, the $50 is for my fees and the $400 is for the CAT SCAN.”

Boy or Girl

2008-06-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

Blondan’s daughter had been taken to the delivery room in a hospital and he was anxiously waiting outside, when he heard the crying of a newborn baby. A few minutes later a nurse came out of the delivery room.

Blondan rushed up to her and enquired, “Sister, am I a grandfather or a grandmother?”

Shopping for TV

2008-06-29T23:56:00.000-07:00

A blonde goes to an electronic store and asks the salesman “I want this TV, what is the price.” “We don’t sell to blondes”, replies the salesman. The blonde gets angry and leaves the store. She decides to get that TV no matter what. She puts on a different make up and goes to store again. The salesman again replies “We don’t sell to blondes.” The blonde leaves and returns wearing a black wig and dark glasses. The salesman again replies “We don’t sell to blondes.” This happens again and again.

Frustrated and tired the blonde asks the salesman “I put on different make up and wore different dress even then how did you recognize that I was a blonde.” The salesman replies “That’s easy. It’s not a TV, it’s a microwave.”

Think before you speak

2008-02-04T03:09:00.000-08:00

It was a dark, stormy, night. Johnson a soldier was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Johnson snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and said "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
It wasn't a nice night, but Johnson could not disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!”
The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
Johnson didn't agree, but then was just a soldier, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General pointing at the dog said, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
Johnson glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."
Johnson simply said "Good trade Sir!"

EGO

2008-02-04T03:07:00.000-08:00

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in Oct, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Nov 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Bomb squad prank

2008-02-04T02:39:00.000-08:00

STRONG HUG

2008-01-30T04:55:00.000-08:00

A girl to her friend: ‘my boyfriend suffocates me whenever he hugs me.’

Her friend: ‘he must be really strong with big arms.’

Girl: ‘No, his armpits stink’.

Outstanding Son

2008-01-30T04:52:00.000-08:00

Mother to the guest: “my son is outstanding in his class”

Father to the guest: “he is usually standing outside the class is what she means”

Kitty Labour

2008-01-30T04:29:00.000-08:00

Strong wind

2008-01-20T00:08:00.000-08:00

Two men are drinking at a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. The first man says “you know something, the winds around this building is very strong. It’s so strong that if you jump off the window the wind will hold you and push you into the 9th floor window.” “I don’t believe you” replies the second man. The first man says “let me demonstrate” and jumps off the window. He goes screaming down and then amazingly drifts into the 9th floor window. He goes back to the second man who claims he was just lucky. Then the first man makes another jump and again drifts into the 9th floor window. The second man is amazed and he jumps off the window. He zooms down and goes splat on the road.

The bar tender who was watching all this comes up to the first man and says “you are silly and dangerous when you are drunk, Superman.”

REST IN PEACE

2008-01-20T00:07:00.000-08:00

Bob was starting business at a new location. His friend Jake decided to send flowers for the occasion. At the grand opening Bob received Jake’s flowers with the note ‘Rest in Peace’. Bob phoned Jake about the flowers. Jake apologized for error made by the florist.

Jake then called the florist and started giving him a good lecture. The florist apologized and said “somewhere a funeral is going on and the dead guy will be getting flowers with the note “Congratulations on your new location.”

FUNNY MESSAGES

2008-01-20T00:04:00.000-08:00

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Naughty Birds

2008-01-19T23:58:00.000-08:00

FIRE DOG

2008-01-18T03:53:00.000-08:00

A school bus was travelling with nursery children. A fire truck which had a dog seated in the front passed by. The children started discussing what the dog’s duty would be.

“the dog bring the fire hose to the fire men” said one kid.

“he is to lick the wounded” said another kid.

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

Kid wants to hit Hillary

2008-01-18T03:50:00.000-08:00

HEAVEN AND MARRIAGE

2008-01-18T03:48:00.000-08:00

Wife: You know, husband & wife aren't allowed to be together in heaven!

Husband: Yes,I do.Thats why it's called heaven!

The Riddle

2008-01-18T03:44:00.000-08:00

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting on long flight. The lawyer asks the blonde if she would like to play a game of asking questions. The blonde declines it since she is sleepy. To make things interesting the lawyer says that if he cannot answer her question he would give her $50 and if she cannot answer his question, she has to pay $5. The blonde agrees.

The lawyer asks her, “What is the height of Mt.Everest”. The blonde gives him $5.

The blonde asks him “what has 2 eyes and 3 ears and walks on one leg”. The lawyer searches many websites on his laptop. Unable to get the answer the lawyer pays her $50.

Now the lawyer asks her the same question "what has 2 eyes and 3 ears and walks on one leg?". The blonde gives him $5 and goes to sleep.

WARNING

2008-01-18T03:35:00.000-08:00

Will you dare to trespass?

Why People Marry?

2008-01-16T04:17:00.000-08:00

Child asked her mother “What made you marry Daddy?”

“So you’re beginning to wonder, too!” replied the mother.

Mobile Phone

2008-01-16T03:46:00.000-08:00

For their first anniversary, a farmer bought his young wife a mobile phone. She was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. The next day she was out shopping when the phone rang.

Husband: Hello darling. How do you like your new phone?

Wife: Oh, I just love it. It’s so cute and small and your voice sounds so clear. But there’s just one thing I don’t understand.

Husband: What’s that?

Wife: How did you know I was at the grocery shop?

Scaring Bin Laden

2008-01-16T03:41:00.000-08:00

PANDA

2008-01-16T03:40:00.000-08:00

A Panda goes to a restaurant eats to his content. Then shoots everybody and leaves the scene. He is later caught and brought to trial. The lawyer defending the panda claims the panda is not to be blamed, this was his nature. He asks the judge to read the definition of panda. The judge gets a dictionary reads the definition of panda as panda n: a black and white animal that eats shoots and leaves.

RAGING BULL

2008-01-16T03:39:00.000-08:00

A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came charging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly continued his milking. To everyone’s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy, turned around and walked away. "Weren’t you afraid?" one of the workers asked the boy.

"Not at all", the boy replied, "I knew this cow was his mother-in-law."

First Bull Powered Vehicle

2008-01-16T03:30:00.000-08:00

Lack of funds is also the mother of inventions.

BEAST WITHIN

2008-01-15T04:49:00.001-08:00

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and the husband was loosing his temper. “Be careful”, he said to his wife. .You’ll bring out the beast in me. So what? His wife shot back. Who’s afraid of a mouse?

Boony bird

2008-01-15T04:48:00.002-08:00

After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment.
Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Boony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Boony bird! The table!" Immediately, the Boony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Boony bird! The shelf!"
Again the Boony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Boony bird!"

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Boony Bird, my foot!"

Clever Wife

2008-01-15T04:48:00.001-08:00

Just married, Blondy had bad news for her husband when he returned home from his day's work. 'I feel so sorry,' Blondy said with a sob, “I was ironing your best suit and burnt a hole in the trouser.” “Don't worry, darling,” said the husband, “I have another pair of trousers to match that suit.”

“Yes, I know,” Blondy replied. “You're lucky that you have. Thanks to that, I was able to patch up the hole.”

Magazine for all

2008-01-15T04:46:00.000-08:00

An editor of a magazine once wrote: "We print something for everyone. So don't be surprised if you find mistakes in our magazine. Its for the people who are always looking for mistakes."

Honorable Politics

2008-01-15T04:44:00.001-08:00

A man saw an epitaph in a cemetery which read 'here lies a honest man and politician.'

"What a shame, two people in the same grave", cried the man.

The Archer

2008-01-15T04:43:00.001-08:00

A King was hunting in the forest along with his men. He came across many trees which targets painted on it. He was surprised to see that all the arrows had hit the center of the target. The king decided to search for this talented archer. The king's men found a young boy who accepted that he was the archer who shot those arrows. "Did you shoot from a distance of 5 yards." asked the king with doubts on his mind. "No sire, I shot from a distance of 20 yards." replied the boy. The king handed the boy a bag of 50 gold coins and asked him how he practiced his shots. The boy said "I first make sure I am 20 yards away from the tree. Then take a good aim at the tree and shoot. Then I draw the target around the arrow", replied the boy.

Van Gogh's relatives

2008-01-15T04:42:00.000-08:00

Van Gogh had many relatives. A few of them were:

his magician uncle : wheredidy gogh

his mexican cousin : amee gogh

his mexican brother's half american brother : grin gogh

his psychoanalyst cousin : E gogh

his positive thinking cousin : wayto gogh

TWO STATUES

2008-01-15T04:41:00.002-08:00

There were two beautiful statues of a man and a woman in the park. An angel brought them to life and said to them "this human body is for only 20 minutes after which they will turn back to statues . So enjoy yourselves." Both of them ran behind a few bushes. The angel could hear their giggles and the bush shaking. After 15 minutes both of them returned. The angel noticed that the woman was not quite happy. He said "I will give you both another 20 minutes."

Hearing this the excited woman said to the man "this time you hold the pigeon down and I will shit on it. Its my turn for revenge."

LIE DETECTOR

2008-01-15T04:41:00.001-08:00

An Asian, an African, and a blonde were called upon to test a lie detector.
The Asian said, "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer."
BUZZZZZ went the lie detector.
"OK" he said, '10 bottles.' And the machine was silent.
The African said, "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers."
BUZZZZZ went the lie detector.
"Alright, 8 hamburgers." And the machine was silent.
The blonde said, "I think ..."
BUZZZZZ went the machine!

NEW INVENTION

2008-01-15T04:40:00.000-08:00

Brainy said to Nerdy, I have invented a new kind of computer which behaves like a human being."
"In what way?" asked Nerdy.
"Whenever it makes a mistake," replied Brainy, "it blames other computers."

Words of Wisdom

2008-01-15T04:29:00.000-08:00

Cooling Chopsticks

2008-01-15T04:28:00.000-08:00

Is'nt this a cool invention? What will they think of next?

Evolution of Man

2008-01-15T04:18:00.002-08:00

COLA SHOP

2008-01-15T04:18:00.001-08:00

Once Bob an American decides to set up a cola shop in the Dubai dessert. Many travelers went past his shop but it did not result in good sales. Bob thought it might be due to the English advertisement on his shop. Since he did not know Arabic he decided to put pictures as advertisement, so that anyone could understand it.

He put up 3 pictures. First picture shows a tired and weary man, the second picture shows the man drinking Bob's cola and the third picture shows the man completely rejuvenated.

However after putting up the pictures the sales completely stopped. No one would buy cola from his shop. It was later that he realized that the local Arabs read from right to left.

The atheist

2008-01-15T04:15:00.000-08:00

Once an atheist was fishing in a lonely lake. Suddenly Loch ness monster appeared. It grabbed him and threw him high up in the air and opened his mouth in order to swallow him. The man in his fear cried out aloud "Oh GOD save me." Immediately time froze and there came a voice from the sky "I thought you did believe in me." "Forgive my ignorance GOD, but moments ago I did not believe in the Loch ness monster either." GOD replied "I see that you are believer now. I won't do any miracle to save you from certain death however i can change heart of creatures. So what would you like me to do?" After thinking for a moment the man said "Please make the monster believe in you." "So be it" replied GOD. The time unfreezes. The man keeps falling. The monster catches the man with its hands and places him on his boat. The monster then folds his hands and prays "Oh GOD I thank you for the daily meal you have provided." And then swallows the man.

GOD

2008-01-11T02:05:00.000-08:00

There was two young boys Jack and Bart aged 9 and 11. both were very mischievous and would often get into trouble. their parents heard that the new clergyman was good at disciplining young boys. So decided to take Jack to the clergyman first.

The clergyman was a big man with a scar on his face. He let Jack sit on a chair and sternly asked him "Where is GOD?" Jack's mouth dropped open. with no reply from Jack the clergyman asked again "Where is GOD?" Now Jack had become pale. Frustrated with the boy's silence the clergyman asked in a much sterner and louder voice "WHERE IS GOD?" Jack jumped off his chair and ran straight to his home and hid under his bed. When Bart saw him, he asked him what had happened. Jack in a terrified tone replied "brother we are in BIG trouble this time. GOD is missing and they think we are responsible."

The Gilette Cat

2008-01-11T01:43:00.000-08:00

CURTAINS

2008-01-11T01:08:00.000-08:00

Blondi enters a store that sells curtains.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.
Blondi replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Blondi tells him that they aren't for a room; they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Blondi says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

ARTHRITIS

2008-01-11T00:53:00.000-08:00

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man
turned to The priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, Being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what He had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.

How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Fancy Dog

2008-01-11T00:25:00.000-08:00

Don't you think this is cruelty towards dogs?

Cute Giraffe

2008-01-11T00:06:00.001-08:00

Is'nt this cute?

New style cat

2008-01-10T23:51:00.000-08:00

It seems stylish, but the cat does not seem to be happy.

COFFE ADDICT CAT

2008-01-10T23:44:00.001-08:00

This cat will certainly remain awake.

Pussy message

2008-01-10T23:30:00.000-08:00